Welcome to part 2 of our Doula Mythbusters series, “Doulas and Dads.” You can find part one, “Doulas and Epidurals” here. So often I come across concerns and misconceptions about doulas and dads working together. I hear things like: my husband will be my doula, my baby’s dad is worried a doula will take his place, I dont think there will be enough for my doula and my partner to do; and last but not least, we feel like birth is really intimate and the doula will be an intrusion.
“My partner is worried a doula will take their place.”
Let’s put this one to rest once and for all. Nobody, and I mean nobody, can take your partner’s place. It is completely impossible. They know you and love you. You love them. This type of connection can’t be replaced by your doula. Your doula is able to answer your questions. She can translate medical jargon to something you understand. Doulas knows tricks for comfort measures and can make tips for progress. She can’t provide the loving presence your partner will provide you.
She will work with your partner to understand how he envisions participating in the birth. If he prefers a hands-on role, your doula can make suggestions so that he provides the most comfort. Let’s say, he prefers to feel present in the moment. Your doula is will provide comfort measures and make sure you both keep up on your basic needs. (Doulas are for dads too!) The doulas role will usually fall somewhere in the middle, but all of the time, your partner’s feelings will be prioritized along with your own.
“My husband/wife/mom/sister/friend will be my doula.”
I love that you feel so supported by your significant other/family/friends. I am certain they will be an excellent part of your birth team. That being said, the current evidence about doula support shows that moms have better outcomes with continuous labor support that is not part of the mom’s social network and is not an employee of the hospital. You can see the research here. They have actually studied the differences in improved outcomes between doulas providing continuous support and midwives, nurses, or people in the moms social network. In the doula groups, they found:
- a 31% decrease in the use of Pitocin
- 28% decrease in the risk of Cesarean
- 12% increase in the likelihood of a spontaneous vaginal birth
- 34% decrease in the risk of being dissatisfied with the birth experience.
The people you know and love will definitely be excellent support during your labor, but they can’t be your doula.
“My partner will be there so what will my doula do?”
There will always be something for your doula to do. If your partner is whispering calming words into your ear, your doula might be applying counter pressure to your lower back. While your partner places a cool cloth on your head, your doula will hold your cup so you can wet your dry mouth. She can run your bath so your partner doesn’t have to leave your side. She can stay with you so your partner can catch a short nap if your labor is long. A father from a birth I attended said, “I was hoping I would be all the comfort my wife needed but in the heat of the moment, I realized she needed more.”
Doulas have experienced many labors. You and your significant other have experienced only a few, or maybe this is your first one. There are lots of smells/sounds/fluids that happen during labor. Your doula will reassure you that these things a
re normal. She will let you know if you need to check in with your provider or call your nurse.
“We want just the two of us at our birth so it will be more intimate.”
Doulas are actually able to make your birth more intimate, especially in a hospital setting. There will be lots of hospital staff in and out of the room. There will be multiple nurses, doctors/midwives, likely an anesthesiologist will come visit you, a lab technician, etc. A doula isn’t able to have less hospital personnel, but she is able to create a more intimate environment and my clients have found that with a doula present, it feels less.
She can make suggestions to help personalize your room, such as bringing your favorite blanket or pillow from home. She will create an ambient room with dim lights and possibly led candles. By the time your doula is done, you will feel like any chaos is outside your cocoon. She won’t feel like one more person in the room. She will blend into your birth team seamlessly.
“Do doulas and dads go together?”
I stand by my previous assessment. The only time a doula doesn’t belong at your birth is if you don’t want her there.
I gave you my opinion. My clients have given theirs including, “I actually just wanted it to be me and my wife in the labor room. I wasn’t very vocal about it though because ultimately, its about what would make her more comfortable in the delivery room, not me. However, when it was said and done, I was thankful that Brandie was there.” What are your thoughts, do doulas and dads go together?
Up next in Spokane Doula Services’ Doula Mythbusters series is: I Can’t Afford a Doula.
My husband was reluctant to have a doula at the birth. She assisted in helping both of us to feel calmer allowing us to enjoy the birth experience more. After the birth he expressed how grateful he was to have our doula, Brandie, there. He was on board 100% to have her there for our second birth.
I loved being present at your first birth and was honored to be invited back for the second. It’s so good to know that your birth experience was better with me in it. Thank you!